Some thoughts...

I have a lot on my mind that I need to get off my shoulders. Nothing big. Just thoughts.

1. I do remember stating how I had a moment on my floor the last week before exams which as a result made me feel the need to change the way I looked at life and the way I did this blog. I was with a patient who was awaiting results that could potentially be cancer. She was a healthy woman her whole life and now, she has no idea how long she has left. She left me with a thought and told me to always thank God for my blessings and to live my life to the fullest. Do everything in my power to live for Jesus. God was using this woman to speak to me because I really needed a kick in the pants. I whine and complain all the time about how hard nursing school is and how much it sucks that I never have money to do the things I want. But I have been so blessed. There are so many people who won't ever have the opportunity for post-secondary education. I need to start really living my life to the fullest.

2. I'll be needing a lot of prayers but I'm kind of in a weird place right now. I've been this way for a while and I'm not really sure what to do about it. I've kind of neglected my Christian values for a while now, and I'm starting to wish them back. I feel like I've been missing something so important. Something that no one or nothing else can give me. It's been so hard because my boyfriend is not a Christian and I respect his reasons for not wanting to be but it makes it soo much harder. I obviously love him to death and don't feel the need to end our relationship just because we have different religious views. We talked the other day about having kids someday (we HAVE been together for three years), if we got married, and he asked me what religion I wanted to raise my kids as. I obviously answered "Christian", which he did not agree with since he doesn't really understand or agree with Christianity. But I told him I felt the same way. I would not want to raise my kids Buddhist or Hindu (two religions he is curious about now) because I don't understand it and also don't agree with it.
Not really sure what to do. I really need someone to talk to. No, I don't want someone shoving their personal opinions into me, because they really have no idea. I just need someone to talk to about this.

3. I'm going for an ultrasound this week to get some confirmation as to what's really been going on with my body these past six months. I'm pretty scared actually. I've even been dreaming some pretty horrific things about it. I just pray, pray, pray that it is nothing serious.

4. I have a pretty dramatic "friend" situation now. I don't have drama with my friends, but this is happening between two of my really good friends now. My friend "Tracy" was dating my other friend "Kelly"'s brother. They were doing great, but Tracy was planning on moving home for the summer to save money and did not want to do a long distance relationship with "Carl". This caused alot of emotional angst between Tracy and Carl. Last weekend, Kelly had both Tracy, I and some of the other nursing girls up for supper. Tracy told Kelly and I that she wanted to break up with Kelly's brother, which obviously hurt Kelly since she knew how much Carl cared for Tracy. That night after I went home, the girls all went to an Irish pub together and Tracy ended up cheating on Carl with a male classmate. Now this infuriated Kelly and she no longer wishes to be friends with Tracy, as her brother is devastated. So I am caught in he middle of all of this since I am still both Tracy and Kelly's friend.

I need to getaway. I need some prayers. I need some reassurance that everything is going to turn out okay.

-S.F.