Real life in 3..2..1..

Okay, well let's just say my "real life" is just about ready to start..

Nothing is finalized yet, but let's just say I have a couple of job offers and all the paperwork is starting to get finalized before I am on my way..

I'm not going to say where it is I'm going because it's a potential of two places. AND I have another interview tomorrow afternoon, which will make my decision process even harder :/

Trust me when I say, being in college/university is the easiest time in your life. You always know what you're doing next semester. You (for the most part) know where you're going to live, you somehow have the money to pay for tuition fees and books, you have a whole network of support from family and friends. Your schedule is set. You study from Monday to Friday with the odd trip to Wal Mart or a shift at work squeezed in. On the weekends, you socialize with friends, hits up the bars, go to movies, house parties, movie nights, coffee dates, and maybe some prep for a lab or assignment due Monday.
Life is so easy when you're in school.

But once you're finished, you have such bigger responsibilities to full fill. What job will I take? Where will I live? What car should I buy? Who should I marry? When should I get married? What house should I buy? When should I have kids? When should I start saving for my kids' college funds? What about a masters' program? Should I start that before I get married/have kids? Where should I take my masters' program?

And so on...

Boy, If I thought four years ago about what my life would look like, it most certainly would not be this!  But I do know there's so much more in store for me.

I'll keep you posted. Prayers would be great.

-E

Figuring out me / The pursuit of happiness..

Sorry for the slightly vague title, but it's the best I could think of.

These past few days, I've been doing a lot of soul searching. This unemployment thing is actually doing me a world of good for the time being and causing me to ponder on important things which I never would have before with my busy schedule or if I were to be working, I'd be so caught up in that, I would make excuses to just sit down to think.

Thinking. I really haven't done a lot of that lately. Before, everything seemed to be planned out for me. I was with a friend tonight who also recently graduated and we were talking about how our life is NOW only really our own. Before, I just did what was expected of me. I went to school eight months out of the year to educate myself in something I wanted to do for the rest of my life, worked during the summers and occasionally weekend. Everything, all planned out. Now, I'm really taking time to figure stuff out. What I want to do next. What is best for me. Just figure out, me. I need to know who I am first to decide what I want and what is best for me.

I've really learned a lot about myself in the past month or so that I didn't really know.


1. I am so insecure. I am constantly thinking, "Oh gosh, E. That person definitely thinks you are so strange!" I'm not the least bit conceited at all, but let's be honest here, I'm 5 ft. 7" and have a pretty in-shape body, good teeth. I know I'm not wretched. But I constantly feel judged by everyone. I like to dress up, I like to feel good about the way I look. I am artistic and expressive with what I wear. I think clothes should be a reflection of who you are inside or at least, who you want to be. Maybe, I want to feel like a girl who is cheerful, bubbly, positive, and confident all the time. Maybe, I want people to think that I have it all together, so that at least if others think it, it will encourage me to think that, hey, maybe I do? I'm actually not sure if many people think I have it together, but from the general consensus I get, many do. The truth is, I don't. I really don't. I'm actually lost. I constantly compare myself with other girls my own age. I feel insecure to take a stand for myself when I've been treated poorly because I honestly think that, "my opinions don't matter anyway". I put up with crap from others, more specifically, crap from guys who I know just want me for superficial reasons and nothing else just because I feel I can't do any better. When I get a grade which I know I could have deserved higher, I don't fight it out because, who am I to say I'm right and the professor is wrong? 


2. I am only happy when other are happy. I think if I lived on an island all alone with no one else, I would ensure that the wild animals were well taken care of before fending for myself. This can surely work in my favor. It ultimately makes me the best kind of nurse. It also works to destroy me. There are a lot of people who are selfish and manipulative and use my generosity solely for their own gain. My mother always called these people, "the ones who are good for themselves". They are the ones who are only looking out for number one and will do anything and everything they can to make sure they are on top, regardless if someone else has to suffer as a result. I'm a pretty easy target to be used and abused by people. 




I actually had to stop writing this journal entry and come back to it a few days later..


My mind has been filled with becoming aware with my flaws, my imperfections and my weaknesses. But I thought about it and said to myself, why I am putting ALL my time and energy into thinking about what is WRONG with me instead of focusing on what is GOOD. I watched a video on YouTube the other day and posted it on my Facebook. Link to that video can be found right here. The title of the video is "Secrets of Truly Happy People". I found this video just because I follow this girl a lot on YouTube for makeup and fashion advice, but I found this video so inspirational and helpful for me to adapt a more positive attitude.

An interesting point the girl (Lindy) makes is she tells a story of two wolves. One named "Happiness" and the other named "Unhappiness". The two wolves get into a fight. When asked about which wolf wins the fight, the answer is, which ever wolf you feed. This analogy is an excellent way of demonstrating the power your thoughts have on the type of life you live. If you choose to fuel your negative thoughts about yourself and others, you will become a negative and unhappy person. If you choose to focus on the positive, see the good in yourself, other people and be thankful for everything you've been blessed with, you will live a happy and fulfilling life.

We all have bad days, some worse than others. And sometimes, we can never change the bad things which happen. We can however, change our attitude towards it.

Happy thoughts, everyone! :) We are all blessed.

-E

Summer Days

Hey hey! So, I've been trying to keep my promise to blog more and so today I said to myself , you are going to put up a post by the end of the day!

What's been hip and happening? Not a whole lot. I've been laying low and keeping my spirits high.
I'm still on the patient wait for a job. So far, I have an interview scheduled for Halifax before the end of this month AND an interview for Edmonton! Progress, right? YAY :D

I'm also in the process of getting my license. FI-NAL-LY! Yes, it's pretty embarassing that I have a university degree and no driver's license. I've had my permit since forever ago and even attended driver's ed last year. In my defense, my parents had this rule that neither I or my brother could drive until we were 20 and had the money to pay for car insurance. Well, at 20 years old, I lived on my own and lived close enough to everything that I didn't feel the need to have a car and wouldn't have been able to afford it anyway, at that point. So, I just kind of got by the last few years without one. But now that I have officially entered "Adultworld" and will need wheels to get around, I am going to need to get it. A lot of jobs in nursing, too (Public Health and Community Health jobs), require that you have a valid driver's license as much of that type of work is spent driving around, doing home visits. I attempted to get my license once, but failed, so now I have to go back and try for it again. *Sigh*

So, what's been new since the last time I posted? Well, much of this weekend was spent doing Canada Day / Long weekend activities. The weather has been glorious and I've been trying to spend as much time as possible in the great outdoors. We [my city] rarely gets nice weather, so you pretty much have to take advantage of it while you can because you never know when you're going to get a nice day next.

Saturday night, my brother (who is a DJ here in town) through a house party at my dad's house for the Canada Day celebrations. There was a lot of red and white, great tunes and great food floating around me the whole night. AND one of the most HILARIOUS things happened as well. One of those stories that will definitely be told on my wedding day. HAHA. Okay, are you ready for it?? ...

Okay, so I left the party early just because I was feeling tired. My mom's and my dad's houses are only about a six minute walk between each other. My friend Neel walked with me so I would not be alone. Right before we reached my mom's house, my friend Robyn called to inform me that she had drank "way way too much" and wanted to sleep at mom's house so that she wouldn't have to drive home. Of course, this was not a problem, so myself and Neel walked back to dad's, picked up Robyn and proceeded to walk back up to Mom's. As soon as we got to Mom's and Neel had left, Robyn and I began to feel extremely hungry. Robyn had the bright idea in her head to walk to McDonald's (about a fifteen minute walk away from my mom's house). Since McDonald's was the only place open which served food at 3AM, we started the trek over there. Okay, so we get there and realize that only the DRIVE-THRU is open, NOT the restaurant. So, what did we do? Start to walk through Drive-Thru, of course! Myself and Robyn walk through Drive-Thru with a sedan in front of us and a pick-up truck behind us. The guy in the pick-up was definitely no older than me and was laughing his head off at us. We get to the window to place our order [this is TOTALLY all legit], but the person on the speaker says, "I'm sorry, Girls, but you have to be in a vehical". We look at the guy in the truck behind us, laughing like a hyena, and all he can say is, "Get in with me, girls." So, we hop in a car with a random stranger who for all we knew could have raped us, but we wanted our precious McDee's, and would go through great lengths to get it. Now, let me just say, this is the type of thing which can ONLY be done in the place where I live. People here, for the most part, are pretty trustworthy. Anywhoo, we order our McDonald's and the guy drops us home because he doesn't want us wandering around town at [now] 4 in the morning. He even added us to facebook, hahaha! McRandom!

So, Saturday night was pretty eventful.

Sunday was CANADA DAY!

It was lovely to spend an entire day outdoors and watch the fireworks that night :)

My Mom's birthday was yesterday. I made her a delicious ice cream cake [yes, all from scratch] and lasagna, cesear salad and garlic bread for supper.

After supper, I went for a walk. This time of year, the hills are filled with beautiful, long-steamed bunches of purple flowers called Lupins. I've never seen them anywhere else but in my province and around Canada Day week is when they are in full-bloom.

I decided to get a few shots of myself frolicking in the lupins as well as some from where I took my walk, around an abandoned barn. 

I hope you all had a great day and to my American friends, Happy Independence Day!! :)

-E