Life

So this blog is really about nothing in particular, except for the fact that life can be unfair sometimes.

I think for the most part, I'm doing okay. I have a TON of friends, a great an supportive boyfriend who is going somewhere in life, a relatively good relationship with my parents and brother, pretty good grades, and motivation to be involved in my community. I guess I'm a pretty good public speaker, writer, singer, and I have a pretty good memory. I also think I'm a fairly nice person. I don't judge others, and I try to put the wants and needs of others first before my own.

I just think sometimes it's tough. My parents, particularly my mom, have such high expectations of me it can be a challenge to try and fullfill all these expectations. For those of you who don't know, yes, I still live at home, but I do pay my mom rent each month. I also pay for all my school fees, books, transportation, etc.. with the help of working in the summers and a student loan. It kind of sucks to pay to live in your own house, but I can think of alot people who have it more rough than me. My mom and dad help me out when they can, but for the most part, I'm financially independant. It's not exactly in my favor to be stuck with over 30 grand in student loans when I graduate, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

I know kids whose parents dish out everything for them. Driving school, school fees, books, rent, and even pay for their weddings. I think it's great, but at the end of the day, how do you really learn to be financially independant if you've got Mom and Dad covering your ass everytime for you?? How can you really grow up?

People wonder why I have so many clothes and makeup and am able to go on a trip once and a while. I save alot of my money, and as for clothes, I am reallyyyyy cheap.

Alot of people get this impression of me that I'm so stuck up and high maitenance. Well, the former is bull because I make an effort to befriend everyone. And the latter, let's just say I am one of the LOWEST maitenance people on the planet. I get my clothes for dirt, dirt cheap. I have so many clothes because I spend so little money on each individual item. I never go to the salon to get my hair done (I guess the beauty of having curly hair, no one can tell when you need a cut). I never get my nails done, or go tanning, eyebrow waxing, armpit waxing, bikini waxing or any of that crap. I don't own a car which decreases my expenses by ALOT. My boyfriend and I would rather do simple dates like making a home cooked dinner together and go for walks in the park than go to movies and fancy restaurants. I don't feel the need to have the latest and greatest technology. I've honestly had my 2GB ipod nano and shitbox of an Acer laptop since my first Christmas in university back in 2006, and it still works fine so that is good enough for me. I have a olympus digital camera which is simple but takes crisp, quality photos. No, it's not the one that Nigel Barker uses, but it does what I need it to do. I have a simple cell phone with only caller ID and unlimited texting, no internet. I have three winter coats. One ski jacket (for crazy winter storms and well, skiing / sledding), one heavy peacoat without a hood, and one semi-heavy peacoat with a hood. I have no pets and no children. I am not married. I do not own any real jewelery aside from a gold locket my grandmother gave me when I was born. I told my boyfriend that the only really jewelery I ever could want is an engagement ring when the time is right and that is IT. I don't wear perfume. I don't wear brand names, unless it's on sale.

I enjoy the simple pleasures of life. I'd also rather spend my money on more sensible and worthwhile things. I sponsor a child in Africa, who defintely needs the money more than I do. I want to invest in piano lessons. The beauty of music is something I hold very near and dear to my heart. If I had every material thing taken away from me and I was only able to keep two things, I'd keep my voice and my piano.

I used to have alot of insecurities growing up. One of them was my nose. I've had so many people over the years tell me my nose was big, and you know what, it probably is. But honestly, if I were to spend my time being insecure over something so superficial, that would be alot of quality time lost that could be spent doing something more important. If you don't like me because you think my nose is big, than I could care less to have you in my life. I have so many friends who accept me for who I am, so one measely bitch, meh. Doesn't mean a row of beans.

I have so many life goals. Alot of which has changed over the years, but the main ones:
1. Graduate from university
2. Eventually go to grad school
I want to do research on the effects of smoking on children and eventually try
to make it law so that smoking is illegal around a child under 16. I also want
to make first aid and CPR training part of the high school curriculum.
3. I've honestly considered law school and focus on health care policies and such
but that's a big maybe for the future. It's on my mind, but it's questionable
right now if I will actually go through with it or not.
4. Get married / Have kids, and if I can't have my own, adopt internationally.
There are so many children in parts of the world, who are born into such
unforunate conditions and need loving parents. Girls in particular are more at
risk. I know, it's a longgg way away yet before I'd consider doing this, but
I'd lovee to adopt a little girl. Maybe from Cambodia or Sub-Sahara Africa.

I've just been analysing my life and where I am right now compared to a few years back. I know my life has NOT been perfect, but from everything I've come out of, I think I'm doing okay. God has certainly blessed me more than I could ever imagine. I really think sometimes it's too much. But I've learned, with what I've been blessed with that I don't need, is to pass it on to someone else who does.

Anyway that is my end-of-year speal.

2010 is over, and new year of life for me is beginning. I want to make every moment count.

Happy Holidays!

Shirt: Joe Fresh
Skirt: H&M
Tights: outside printed pair - Forever 21
inside plain black pair - Primark
cupcake earrings (not visible): Wal-Mart

Merry Christmas everyone!

I haven't posted in a whilee and I certainly remember blogging that I'd do alot of fashion blogs, Christmas blogs and such. I'm super sorry. I've been busy with exams, Christmas prep, and overall, my health hasn't been the best, so I've been doing alot of chilling out in sweats for the past two weeks in front of the couch.

So, I finished my exams on the 13th of December. I was well enough to celebrate our academic success combined with Christmas with my nursing girls that night. I had some wine, but got really ill and had to go home a bit earlier than most. I did have a fun time though.

I went to my doctor on Thursday because I was having some abnormal cells showing up in my kidney and bladder and they weren't sure if it was cancerous. But because I've had so many prayers, I was cancer free! My doctor said I may need to undergo surgury in the future to take out some parts of my urinary tract affected by endometriosis, but for now and until I finish third year, I'm on a continuous flow of meds. My doctor said I should try and avoid alcohol, caffeine and foods high in soy. The first two, are irritants for my bladder and the latter, he says are estrogen-mimickers which basically feeds the endometriosis. Endo occurs basically as a result of excessive estrogen in the body, which I thought was a good thing for a girl, but I guess not.

I learned from all this to take my life very seriously. I used to it for granted that I could just get up and go whenever I pleased to do fun and exciting things with my friends. I just do now what I have energy for at the moment and try not to over-exert myself. I have to face the real possibility that I may be unable to have kids when I want to. I'm fortunate that Matthew is understanding that when we do get married, he wouldn't mind adopting kids if in the event we couldn't have any of our own.

I am certainly blessed with very supportive family and friends who are helping me deal with this potentially serious condition.

I attended an ugly sweater party, Carmie's birthday party, and then had my best ladies up on the 21st for secret santa. We had a potluck, made and decorated shortbread, and watching my favorite Christmas movie, "Love Actually".

My Christmas was probably by far, one of the best ones I've had in years. I love spending Christmas with my grandparents!

We drove out on the 23rd after Matthew left for the airport. My mom had actually turned back after getting on the TCH by CBS since there was so much wind causing the car to wobble. We went to the garage and got the problem fixed and were back on the road. It was basically like a hurricane driving out, but we made it, safe and sound.

My brother and I watched "Arthur's Perfect Christmas" on my laptop, as it is a huge tradition for us every year since we were kids.

Christmas Eve was spend relaxing. I watched "The Wizard of Oz" with Nan, and she at 73 could appreciate my love for old vintage films as it was the era she grew up in :) That evening, we visited my Uncle Cliff's and Aunt Doreen's, and my Aunt Bonnie's and Uncle Gerald's. We also had a sit down family dinner of fish and brewis, a traditional Christmas Eve dinner for my family. It was really lovely. My pop and I played piano most of the night after supper and sang Christmas carols, and the best part was watching "The Gaither's Christmas Special" on TV with Nan and Pop. My brother also watched the original "Grinch Who Stole Christmas" movie before we went to sleep.

So my list of favorite Christmas movies:

1. Love Actually
2. White Christmas
3. The cartoon version of "The Grinch"
3. Elf
4. Rudeolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
5. Santa Clause is Coming to Town
6. Stepmom
7. Prancer

The next morning, Christmas morning, we all got up at 730 and started opening gifts around 8am.

As a tradition, we always open our stockings together first. Some of the things I can remember of the top of my heads getting in my stocking include:
1. hand sanitizer
2. jolly ranger lip gloss
3. a hershey dark chocolate bar
4. gum
5. two fashion magazines (Flare and Lou Lou)
6. 50 dollars in Avalon Mall money
7. pens
8. chanel body spray
9. polka dot knee socks
10. chocolate liquer
11. a blue shower loofa puff
12. michael buble christmas cd

Then, after stockings, we opened all our gifts together.
Some of the gifts I got:
1. bathrobe (I lost my old one to Hurricane Igor when my basement flooded and my old bathrobe happened to be on the floor in front of the washer)
2. a long off-white knit scarf
3. handmade knit mittens from Posie's Row (off-white, brown, gold and orange)
4. a day pass to the spa at the monestary and "inception" dvd from matthew :)
5. a knit sweater with a million shades of purple from my nan
6. robin egg blue sheet set
7. earrings
8. more mall money
9. a computer cooler
10. hot pink and silver skates :) (my mom was evil and put them inside of a fryer pan box, so when I unwrapped it, I thought I was getting frying pans. Not impressed.)
can't remember what else, but it was alot

Anyways, we went to my aunt's for dinner and went to nan's afterwards and watched "Elf" together.

Last night, we had a Boxing Day games and movie night at Steph's. We played "Apples to Apples", "Scattergories", "Dutch Blitz" and watched "Clueless".

Today, I'm going to spend my Christmas gift cards :D

'Tis the season for an excuse to buy new clothes. As if I need an excuse!!

Haha.
Good by, lovelies.

Endometriosis

So after four months TO DATE of the stupid doctors thinking I had something wrong with my kidney and bladder, they have come up with a diagnosis. I have to have an ultrasound to comfirm it, but my family physician is very positive I have endometriosis. It sounds gross, but basically, the lining of your uterus, the endometrium, decides to "retrograde bleed" out of the uterus and into other surrounding area. Common places include the fallopean tubes, ovaries, bowels, bladder, even appendix. The doctor think I have it on my bladder. I have chronic pain allllll the time. I feel like my bladder is full alll the time when it isn't. And, the disgusting part about it is that I bleed from my bladder every month when I'm supposed to having my period.

The symptoms of intense pelvic pain, pressure, and what they call "hematuria" (blood in the urine), usually happens with a Urinary Tract Infection, very common in girls between the ages of 16 and 30. But when antibiotics weren't doing its job and I'd only have these problems once a month, the exact same time as my period, they knew something was wrong.

I'm kind of scared actually. Usually when endo is on your bladder, the only option to remove it is through surgury, a partial cytectomy, removing part of my bladder. Which would SUCK. I'd have to pee like every hour, since the size of my bladder would be alot smaller.

I'm also really scared since endometriosis is the major comtributor of infertility. It's estimated that 23-30% of people experiencing endometriosis have infertility.
THAT WOULD SUCK. I honestly think that might be worse than peeing all the time.

The good thing about endometriosis. It isn't life threatening. It's basically like a cancer that never kills you, but is a huge pain. It just grows and grows and attaches to organs, and bleeds and bleeds, and pains more and more, but no, you can't die from it.

The only option I have to completely get rid of it is a hysterectomy, removing my uterus, which I'm NOT doing. If I have a couple kiddies down the road and my uterus had done its purpose, I'd probably consider it then. What's the sense of it after you have kids anyway?

The causes of endo are unknown but they think there might be a genetic link, which would make perfect sense since my mom had a touch of it too. And as for infertility, well she had me! She did also have ectopic pregnancy, a complication of endo. But she had two kids, no sweat.

I best go back and trrryyy to study even though the pain makes it unbearable. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up overdosing on medication from this just to get through my exams. I REFUSE to ruin my Christmas studying and write them in January. Refuse, refuse!

I know I promised fashion blogs, but honestly between school work and me being sick, there hasn't been much time. I'll DEFINITELY do some other the holidays :)

Until then. Can someone say a huge prayer for me? I'm actually really scared for what's going to come out of this.

Thanks

-E

He's got those lips like sugar canes, good things come to ones who wait..

So this is a tottally random journal andd an excuse to not study, but since I love Christina Aguilera (yes, her and the Spice Girls are the only 90's pop icons I will love forever.. okay, and well Aqua, too), I watched her "Candyman" video from like four years ago and saw a cute little outfit she was wearing in it that I realllyyyyyy want to copy...








I have all the pieces to this outfit, so next week (hopefully), I will conder (sp?)up
the time to do it. I LOVEEE this oh so much.

Oh oh oh! I also bought the cutest CUPCAKE earrings today! CUPCAKES!! If you know me well enough, I have a slight obsession with them. And well anything that resembles cute food intertwined with fashion.



And they simply darling???!! And pictures don't even do them justice. They are gold and white frosted bejeweled cuties. And better yet, they were from WAL MART. I mean, like seriously. WALLY MAR. They came in a set of three earrings for only 8 dolleroos. Retarded. There was the cupcake ones, little itty bitty gold bows, and teeny tiny pearls. Loverly.

Time for my skype date with the bestie.

Happy Holidays and studying everyone :)
27 days until Christmas!
Ain't-a-that craaaazy!?
: )

Cheesy Christmas

32 days.

I haven't bought a lick.
Nadda.
I'm so contrary this year.
I hate how Christmas is so commercialized. It gets worse every. year.

Last year, my best friend made me a scrapbook of all the fun things we've done together since we've been friends, and I cried. I think it was the best gift anyone has ever given me in my life.

It's become the holiday to become spoiled rotten and get free stuff.

I love it all the same, the non-present side of it.
Well, the presents too. But I don't like to focus on only that.

I think people who have families should be thankful for them and do things that they normally would never have time for during the rest of the year. Play a family game together, go sledding, decorate the tree together (not just mom doing it all. everyoneeeee contributing), baking cookies together, watching holiday movies / tv specials together, driving around town to look at all the christmas lights together, singing carols together on christmas eve, reading the christmas story together.. the "cheesy stuff".

I'm really into the good-old family traditions of Christmas.

I think people should just have fun, and do the best you can with trying to buy the perfect gift for everyone. No stressing. Get your shopping done early, if you can, to avoid the stressful crowds. Put up your Christmas tree the last week in November. Holidays are meant to be enjoyed. Take advantage of them while you can.

I'm thinking of Christmas shopping THIS week. Get 'er all done in one shot. Maybe tommorow. Or Friday, considering I have no school today, tommorow, or friday :)

I have my first effing exam two weeks from Wednesday. That is bullshit.

But I'm done earlier than most, so I like it that way. I can enjoy Christmas to my heart's content after December 13th at 3pm :)

Okay. Gotta write up a two page summary on how homelessness jeopardises one's self-esteem and makes them more likely to suffer from mental illness. How merry and bright.

Ohh!

First holiday Fashion blog :



Top: Forever 21
Skirt: American Apparel
Tights: Icing by Claire's

I like tradtional colors or red, green and gold, but I'm also a huge fan of the "frosty" colors of christmas. Reminds me of sugar cookies. Pastels, whites, pearls, and silvers. Warm furry boots and mittains, layered pastel sweaters and colored tights :)
Make me happy.

Okay. More Christmas cheer journals later :)

Time flies

Sure does.

So my cousin announced to the world the other day that she is getting married. She is 23, a year older than me, which freaks me out, since I'm 22 and I could be easily married soon.. AHHHHHHHH.. Me and Matt have talked about the M-word, but we've both agreed to postpone the real thought of it until 2012 when I graduate. I told him I do not want to expect a ring at least for another year and a half.

So I'm going to be helping her plan a big wedding for Aug 2011. So much to do. I've never planned a wedding or stood in one, so I should use this as a crash course for when I do the real thing for myself.

I am also excited because Christmas is 40 freaking days away. That is nuts. I need to start Christmas shopping pronto. I do not want to be stuck with it for after exams, because I won't have time the first week of December.

Fashion blog soooon.

But until then..
A lame ass, 10th grade quiz:

Questions-
1) How did you get your blog url? Completely random. I thought it was quirky, and "Beauty and the Beast" is one of my favorite movies, so I just made it a bit "punny"
2) If you could change your name to anything, what would it be and why? I like my name but if I could change it for one day, I'd definitely pick a very frilly, girly name... Olivia? Felecity? Isabella? Cordelia? Something like that.
3) If you could go back in time and give your younger self advice, what would it be and why? Don't sweat the small stuff.
4.) How old were you when you first learned to blow a bubblegum bubble? Umm, maybe 7 or 8.
5) What did you want to be when you were little? What I'm doing now :)
6) What do you order at starbucks? Either I'll be healthy and order a passion fruit tea, or I'll be bad and order a double chocolately mint chip frappuchino. Or a non-fat milk hot chocolate with a shot of raspberry and no whipped cream, to meet half way in between.
7) What's the hardest you ever laughed? When am I not laughing.. ? Probably that time me and Sarah Pynji walked through the munnels and saw a rather grouchy looking professor all shriveled up and slouched over, huffing by us and mumbling to himself.. definitely one of those "had to be there moments", but I'm pretty sure I cried laughing.
8) If you could play any musical instrument, which would it be and why? Learn piano better.
9) What's your favorite thing to do when your upset? Sing, draw, walk, bitch
10)What's your favorite movie? I have many. Moulin Rouge tops the charts though and most every Disney movie.
11) What's one food you can not live without? Any and all types of vegetable. I know, this is weird, but I loveeee vegetables.
12) What's your favorite dessert? apple pie and ice cream, by far.
13) Favorite pizza topping? BBQ'd chicken and mushrooms
14) Would you rather have the superpower to read minds, or the superpower to be invisible? Either way, I'm sure I'd hear things I wouldn't want to hear. Can't I just pick the ability to fly??
15) What did you do for your last birthday? A Vintage Glam birthday party. 1920's-1950's. It was a blast from the past, for real.
16) If you had one personal "selfish" wish, what would it be and why? To win the lottery.
17) What does OMGHHKP mean to you? Omg = O my Gosh... HHKP = ??

Semester's Almost Over

Thank God for that!

This has been the fastest semester in my opinion. I also think this is the best semester for me, academically, but we'll see when I get my final marks back, haha.

I know I haven't done a fashion / outfit blog in a long long time, but it's simply because I have been superrrrr busy. As soon as I get a chance (which could be as early as next Friday), I am doing one.

It won't be long now, and Christmas will be here! So hard to believe. I feel it was only yesterday I was celebrating New Year's. Days simply seem to have flown by ever so quick in 2010. I guess you just have to make the most of it while you can.

I ordered a nice early Christmas gift of online shopping for me, which is due to arrive very shortly. I think I spend about 200 dollars between American Apparel, Forever 21, and WeLoveColors. I'm still looking for some short (mid-calf length), flat, white lace up boots. I think they look so elegant, and of course vintage.




I'm really loving the old school girl look. Knee socks, either oxford or short lace up boots, cardigans, blouses, pressed pants, blazers, belted dresses...




I really hope I feel better soon. All semester long I've been having what they thought was kidney infections, is now cystitis for some idiopathic reason. I had to go get blood work done and the doctor said depending on my results, I may need to have an ultrasound or MRI done. It's been very debilitating. I am always sick to my stomach and I can't eat or drink certain foods anymore, because it irritates my bladder and makes me nauseous with pain.

I can't drink wine (any alcohol what-so-ever), pop, spicy foods, juice (too acidic), and even berries.

I don't like this too much :(

Study or Sleep??

I tried. Honestly I tried. But I am soooo freaking tired. All I am reading now is about acute diarrhea.. Like for real. Learning about poop at 12 midnight sucks.

My exam isn't until 1pm tommorow, so I'm not screwed.. I just neeed sleeeppp.

Life, yeahh..

I haven't done a fashion blog in forevezzzz because I've been mega busy. My semester is unwinding down, so I have to do all I can to get my marks up before finals. So far, so good! :)

So after watching Kalel's video on kalelcullentv on youtube about high school experiences, I was thinking to myself the type of person I've become in the past, oh, 6 or 7 years I guess? From the time I started high school to now, I have changggeeedd.

Pretty much everything about me, for the most part changed.

So, let's take grade 10:




This is pretty much what I looked like everyday. I always wore my hair in a bun or low ponytail. Sometimes with a headband, hair ribbon, flower or not. I wore something pink everyday. My two staple clothing items consisted of bootcut jeans and flowered knee-length skirts. I somewhat remind myself of a less-orthodox version of Mandy Moore's character in "A Walk to Remember". Girly, plain, quiet and focused. I had a few good friends I hung out with every day, but not a large circle of aquaintances. I spent my lunchtimes in the library either doing chem assignments with my best friends or arguing over political decisions made in our country in youth action commitee. After school, you'd find me in the music room for choir or musical theatre practice, or once a week taking voice lessons. Fridays and Saturdays: Sleepover with a girlfriend, reading a book, watching a movie, or studying. sundays: volunteering at the hospital. No boyfriend.
That was my life. I think I'd go nuts if I was like that still now. I was so quiet, so reserved. So... boring. I guess. I wasn't popular, but nor was I unpopular. I talked to everyone when I needed to and no one ever gave me shit.

Grade 11:



I think this was the year I gradually started to come out of my shell. As you can see, I had no problem being in front of people. But that was always the weird thing about it. I was so shy and socially awkward when talking to one person at a time, but when I was on stage, performing in a play or singing, or public speaking, I actually felt comfortable enough to be myself. It should be the other way around, but that's just the way it was for me. This was the year I started going to church again, became a Christian, made a whole new group of friends and started to realise who I was and what I wanted to become. I think my style became a little more funky this year. I ditched the flowered skirts and traded them for heels, but I still wore my hair up right until the end of this year (as evident in the picture). My best friends that I have today, although we had been close-acquaintances before, we were BEST friends after this year. So many new and amazing things happened in my life. I laugh when I think about it. It was all such a big deal at the time, but when I think of how simple life really was then, I can't help but giggle. I fell in love. I kissed for the first time (I remember being so happy because I had my first kiss right before I turned 17.. My friends could no longer make fun of me for the whole "sweet sixteen and never been kissed"). I got my heart broken. I found things in which I truly love and have a passion for. I was so passionate for God, for my friends, for my life, for music. I know I was naive, but innocense is bliss. I thought I had my life all planned out. And looking back, I think I did a darn good job of it. My life now isn't far from what I had expected it to be. I'm sure there's things which I've done recently I would never have thought of as a sixteen year old girl. But we live and learn...

Onto Grade 12:



By my side.
Grade 12. What a big jump from grade 10. I had my first serious boyfriend. We met at church. It was one of those "we saw each other across a crowded room" moments. You really and truly believe it's meant to be. Up until that point, I hadn't had much dating experience at all. I still don't, really. But I was very limited at that point. I specificlly remember crushing on that boy on the worship team of my cousin's church and not knowing why. Was it his blue eyes which pierced through me, or the mellow-sweet tones in his voice? I have no idea. Regardless, I knew I liked him. Although none of my friends found him to be "attractive enough", I still found him to be and ignored all the catty remarks. We had a decent relationship while it lasted. Looking back, I would have never had put up with the shit I did at the time, but we all would do things differently if we looked at every situation from hindsight. All it took was one date and I was smitten.


(me at grad, grade 12)

Over the next course of two years, things changed. We were both Christians, but he had slightly different standards and me. It made things very difficult at times. He was also unsure of what to do with his life, while I had mine all mapped out. I felt very insecure while I was with him. He frequently made comments about other girls who were hot, ugly, pretty, et.. while in front of me. It made me think, well if he thinks that about those girls, what does he think about me? I became very self-conscious and insecure. I wouldn't let him or anyone else see me unless I had a full face of makeup on and was dressed to the nines. Don't get me wrong, I still love to dress up. But I know there was a period of time I went overboard. He told me I was too skinny, so I'd eat as much as I possibly could to gain weight, and it would never happen. I wish I had that problem now. I was going downhill fast. I was slipping out of church because I had made new friends who were into going out dancing and that did not agree with my Chrisian friends (well most of them, the ones who are still kicking around today obviously never cared). Finally one night, the week of my 19th birthday, I completely turned a new leaf. Chris and I had broken up for very short periods of time before, but always managed to pull it back together. This time, I was done. I went out, had a few drinks, flirted hardcore with my friend's friend and ended up kissing him before the night was over. The next day I had no choice but to break off the relationship. There was nothing left. I needed to grow up and move on. I don't think I ever told him that I kissed another guy, but it matters nothing now.

The next few months, I was a huge party girl. I was by no means skanky or an alcoholic, but I flirted like mad, drank, ended up flirting with multiple guys in one night and then ditch them right before they thought they were going to snag me off. I remember feeling like a catterpillar that just spent the last two years in a cocoon and was now a free butterfly. I went to a different party every weekend and met different people without a care in the world. I worked that summer full-time at Bootlegger and bought a new outfit every single week. I was asked out by a new guy almost everytime I went out. My confidence level was high as a kite.



Then came time for school in the fall..
Towards the end of the summer, I realised that while I was having fun, I missed the old me. I still had my Christian beliefs and values, but I had turned into this fun-loving girl over night, I didn't know how I would balance the two. Would people think I was a hypocrit? I gave up drinking completely, but I still would go downtown every now and again. I went to an on-campus group every week, and made lots of friends. But through it all, I still never felt like I completely fit in. I felt like I could never fully express myself the way I wanted to, and when I did, I felt judged. I don't think any of it was intentional, but it was what it was.



I ended up dating Matthew in the winter of 2008, right when I was getting my life back on track. I had moved on from the whole "partying every weekend" deal, but I don't know if at the time I was ready for what he was about to bring.

Yes, I say that about Matt. The love of my life. If you've been watching Disney at all, you'll realise that "Happily ever after" comes at the end of the story and never at the beginning.

I think initially, Matt saw me for what alot of the other guys did. He was going to try and get the easy way out, but when he saw that I wasn't going for that, he immediately paid attention to me instead of walking away.



Now, for a long story short, that lasted all up until fall of 2008. We spent the winter of 2009 apart. I spent the early part of 2009 with no plans really other than to graduate. I said to myself, whatever happens, happens. Matt and I became friends late that spring, and over a long period of trust rebuilding, we realised how much we wanted to be with each other. So since July of 2009, it's been that way. Me and Matty.




We talked "the talk" about making it legal and all, but I still get a stomach ache every time I think about it. Part excitement, and part omgwtfimgrowinguptoofast. Who really knows. I basically have one year left to decide my life.

But what I want to know, if I, as a sixteen year old girl, could have foreseen any of this 7 years ahead, would I have changed it?

It is Halloween. It is Halloween. HALLOWEEN! Halloween!

Happy afterrrr Halloween errrryone

i started this journal on Halloween and then my computer went screw-y so I couldn't finish it

I've had a good Halloween weekend so far!
I ended up getting my Halloween party after all. My brother and I decided to have a Halloween Birthday Party for him, since his birthday was October 25th. So everyone dressed up and we turned our living room into a dance floor and Jon Dj'd the whole night, had tasty Halloween treats and Halloween decorations. It was fun!

My oreo cookie costume worked out for a bit, but the straps kept falling off so towards the end of the night, I took it off.

Last night, Steph and I went to a Halloween party dressed as a flapper and 80's girl (I was 80's :D), and we tried to make it to Mardi Gras, but the lineups were miles long, it was freezing and Steph got sick so we called it a night.

I think I'm just going to stick to going to / throwing costume parties next year. It is just not worth it to go dt for the sake of a couple hours, crammed in a bar with sardines and then waiting for hours in the freezing cold to get a cab ride home.

Our Halloween party was just a test drive this year to see if we could actually do it successfully, so because of the great outcome, we are DEFINITELY having another one next year!

I was thinking of costumes to be, as well.

This year everyone and their dog did:
1. Jersey Shore
2. Lady Gaga
3. Alice in Wonderland
4. Sailor Scouts (although i love this, it was waaayyyy over done)
5. Chilean miners (I saw a trillion guys dressed like this)


And everyyyy girl, SKANKED up. I do not get this. You go to La Senza and spend over a hundred dollars on a lingerie-ish thing to wear out in the cold with a pair of butterfly wings and antenae and six inch stilettos. I do not understand. And these same girls are the ones who are too cool to wear a coat downtown and drink twice their weight to warm themselves up and look even more rediculous. For example, some girls go down with cat ears and a bra and panties and say they are cats. The last time I checked, cats were covered in head-to-toe with fur

Some costume Ideas I have for next year:

1. Mario and Princess Peach (i'd need a blonde wig)
2. Gossip girls (Erin as Blair, Andrea as Serena, Courtney as Jenny, and Me as Vanessa)
3. Saved by The bell (Of course, i'd be lisa.. Need a Zack, kelly, slater, jessie, and screech!)
4. Arthur and DW (My brother would be arthur, and i'd be his pesky sister, DW)
5. Avatar (I originally was going to do this, but the costumes were sooooo expensive on line and the makeup would have been a bitch)
6. Powerrangers
7. Treasure trolls (I saw this done and it was awweeessoomeee)
8. Mcdonald's happy meal (Need a drink, burger, fries and a barbie doll "toy")

But now halloween is over with, I have Christmas to look forward to :)

I can't wait:
1. Christmas specials on tv
2. candy cane hot chocolate
3. sledding
4. piles of knitted sweaters and scarfs to stay warm
5. cozy warm nights inside with a wailing storm outside
6. secret santa
7. cookie baking
8. pie-making
9. christmas shopping
10. gift giving
11. stocking stuffing
12. tree decorating
13. santa clause parade watching (which btw is THIS month :D)
14. feeling like a kid every year with excitement
15. special time with family and friends
16. caroling
17. mummering
18. Going to see the Nutcracker


some pictures to get you excited and make you weak..

A cheeseburger with extra pickles, a few fries to pick at and a coke

Yes, McD's at 11:28. And yes, EXTRA pickles. I have never craved pickles in my life, but now I want them. Thinly sliced and piled high under my burger patty, slathered in a mix of ketchup and mustard. I am soo hungry for it.

And a happy meal, because a regular meal at this hour would give me gut rot. Not that a happy meal wouldn't, but the effect would be less intense by far.

Speaking of burgers and food.
The cutest things did I see today at Claire's. Earrings made of clay to look like tiny pieces of food. I swear to you, mini pink donuts with glittery frosting and tiny purple sprinkles, coffee cups, BURGERS, hot dogs (danggg, they were cute), potato chips, cupcakes, and even pb & j sandwiches!!

I have to have them. I think Santa Clause is going to hear about this on my Christmas list this year. Ohhhh yes indeed.

I already have oreo cookie earrings I ordered online to go with my costume. But I didn't realise you could buy alot of this "food jewelery" in a store nearby.

Jeez Louise.

I now go back to finishing my pathetic paper as visions of pickle-loaded cheeseburgers-followed-by-a-refreshing-gulp-of-coke-to-chase-it-down dance in my head.

So longgg.:)

Randommmness before Glee

So I have given up all motivation to do anything for the next hour and fifteen minutes because my favorite show in the whole wide world comes on at 9:30. Rocky Horror. Ohh please, you shouldn't have! I am PSSSYCCCCHHHEEDD!

So I haven't done an outfit blog because I've been enjoying my collegehood and I've been sick, if you have read my last two entries. One being self-inflicted, the second as a result of some idiopathic problem I've been having since the start of the semester. Whatever. I do not want to be negative because - GLEEE is coming on.

But first, an outfit recap. I'm not going to post my outfit from Andi's pink and black party Saturday night, because likely, you have me on facebook, so if you really care, go check it out. But, I'll post what I wore last Thursday. Friday's outfit was business casual since I had a presentation. Nothin' spesh.

Here she goes:




Dress (as top): Urban Planet
Skirt: Dynamite
Tights: Old Navy
Shrug: Sirens

Right now, I'm loving the dance-class inspired look. Fitted undergarments loose cotton clothing "thrown on" over. I wish to God I could find my old black leg warmers from years ago when I was a wee little dancer.

This stuff is gorgeous:







I want an authentic pair of leather ballet slippers that look enough like the real thing, but are safe to wear outside. I want thin, pastel colored wraparound and baggy sweaters. I want airy, paper thin skirts that make you feel angelic and dainty.

loveeee.

Check em' out

Harem pants are the most comfortable and wonderful things of my life




Blazer: Suzy Shier
Tank: Bootlegger
Necklace: Bootlegger
Pants: Gojane.com :)

Boo yah!

Sorry the quality is so shatty. I had to fiddle around with it for hours and ne success pas.

So, considering I will be graduating in a year and a half's time, I am considering what I want to do with my nursing career. As much as I was dreading to do this before the fall, I am now really considering psychiatric nursing. I also love the mommies and babies. And public health. Ohh. Can't decide!

Gotta go work on my presentation now, I spose, for mental health seminar tommorow.

I am soooo tired.

-Cheeyahz

fall-ow me!

So I am super happy.
For two reasons:
1. I got out of clinical early today (12pm instead of 4pm)
2. My shipment arrived today from gojane.com with my new year's eve dress and harem pants I discussed yesterday :)

Very fab. Very impressed.

So, I'm really loving the equestrian look right now.
Here's a taste of what I wore today:






Top: Bootlegger
Earrings: Icing by Claire's
Pants: Zara
Boots: Suzy Shier

Also, cut my sweater I got in Disneyland Paris when I was like 10 to make it fashionable. Luckily, it was the style to wear things overly baggy back then. And it's more stylish to wear things more form fitted now to a degree.

Yayy:


In other news (speaking of childhood and Disney), I bought Beauty and the Beast Diamond Edition on DVD and Blu-Ray :) That is my favorite movie of all time and I'm probably like the only one I know who didn't own it on VHS as a child. So now, it's mine forever and ever. And I'll definitely show it to my kids, when I have them, one of these days (in the farrrr off furture).



Yayy :)

Harem Pants

So I ordered these thing called "harem pants" off gojane.com. I want people's honest opinion. I think they could be dressed up or down. They remind me of something that Aladdin would wear, but yet, I love them.




These are the ones.

I figure I could dress them down and wear them to the gym.

Or, I could dress them up and wear them to school, at a club or party. Some ideas:






To a party / club:



Love :)

Except this is a HUGE no:



Looks like they have a "weight" of something unintentional down there. Like somene didn't make it to the bathroom in time. It's gross, I know. But that's honestly what it looks like.. People should be ashamed of themselves for wearing THAT!

Anyway, I love MY harem pants :)