Change is a good thing.

I need a change.

I feel like life has been living for me, but I haven't really been living my life.
Does that even make sense? It's like this, I get up every single day and do things in order of importance that I have to do for that particular day and then that is it. I think it's mainly because I know my days of "academic prison" are short and numbered and it won't be long before I'm in the real world, making my own decisions about what I want to do with my life. No more of this set schedule of courses I'm supposed to have completed by certain dates, deadlines for papers and projects, test dates. None of it. I will have complete freedom of what I do with my life and all the decisions I make.

Sounds wonderful doesn't it. Nope, not exactly for me!
I'm scared to death. Hence the reason I've been blogging oh so much about this dreaded "doomsday" they call convocation.

I had coffee with a good friend last week. We're pretty close but I've honestly never opened up to him and shared any of these feelings I've had because basically the last time we hung out like that (almost two and a half years ago from now), I had a major crush on him :P But we've become good friends and all that foolish nervousness is long gone from my head. I did manage to open up to him about how I was feeling about my current situation in life, where I wanted to go, and some of the struggles I was facing currently. He's a bit older than me, so I did take his advice to heart and really think about what he was trying to get through to me. He said, "_______, it's your life. You have one opportunity to do what you want and that is it. Do you really want to live your life around pleasing the needs of others if you are not happy yourself?" He is so right because that's exactly what I've been doing. Just cruising along, going along with what everyone else expected me to do, what everyone else was doing. Not really thinking about the consequences, really. I mean, don't get me wrong. I consider myself to be a relatively intelligent person who makes relatively intelligent decisions. But I could be living my life completely different. I could be 110% happier.

I find myself living this way at home with my mom, with my boyfriend, with some of my nursing friends. I know it's no one's fault but my own. But I just need to learn to stand up for myself sometimes. I know it will make me a whole lot more confident. And confidence is what gets you far in life. You can only make change happen if you truly believe you have the power to do it.

There are so many things I want to do in life. To name a few:

1. Learn the piano
2. Improve my French
3. Attempt to learn another language (Russian and/or Spanish)
4. Visit the Holy Lands
5. Do a Eurotrip
6. Eventually get my Master's in something (I was thinking of Speech and Language Pathology)
7. Get married
8. Have / adopt kids
9. Go on a missions trip
10. Go to bible college (NOT to become a pastor, but to expand on my own biblical knowledge)
11. Work as a street outreach mental health nurse at some point(Hello, Vancouver!)

That's all I can think of right now.

I find number 11 really pulling at my heart strings right about now. I will explain later. Right now, I'm going to bed and preparing for my first day of driving school. One thing crossed off my bucket list!

Wish me luck! =)