I'm backkk!

I've been MIA for the past little while since my life has been so hectic and insane. So much to blog about. You'll hear it all soon!

Ciao for now.

:)

Wouldn't it be loverly?

So, I attended a beautiful wedding this weekend for my beautiful cousin, Amanda and her new wonderful husband, Gary. I was so proud to have the privilege of standing beside her as a bridesmaid and watching all her little-girl-dreams finally come true. I am so happy for her as she has found the man in her life who is truly perfect for her, treats her like a princess and makes her feel like a million dollars.



I know that right now, God wants me to take it easy and stay out of having a serious relationship for a while. But I cannot wait until the time comes for me to be standing, face-to-face with the one who is truly meant for me at the alter.

Right now, I'm planning the future for what I need to do with my life. I need to be truly happy and content with any decision I may take and I need to make these decisions for me and not someone else.

Right now, I'll pretend and imagine I'm an 18 year old girl again, having fun with friends. I've had several offers for casual dates, but nothing serious. I like to think of the idea of innocently holding a guy's hand while skating at an ice rink and watching a concert together is perfectly okay for now. Makes me feel young, fresh and fun.

I'll just keep all my options open for now .... ;)

This is just what I want right now :



;)

I have great friends :)

I recorded this for my best friend's birthday yesterday. I must say, that after all I've been through, especially in the last couple of weeks, my friends are the best in the world. I owe them all so much! This song is from the very bottom of my heart =)

With a smile and a song

This past couple weeks, I've been trying my darndest to stay positive and surround myself with wonderful and uplifting-spirited people. So far it's been working well for me.

Last night I stayed at my friend Stacy's house. We're both newly single for the first time in a while so a good girly bonding evening was much needed. We spent all this morning singing songs at her piano - worship, inspiration pop music, and Disney songs.

I remember the song "With a smile and a song" from Snow White ever so well. I remember Christmas morning of 1994, lying on my new Snow White printed blanket and watching the movie, singing the song, not fully understanding what the words meant until 17 years later.

"There's no use in grumbling when raindrops are tumbling. Remember, YOU'RE the one who can fill the world with sunshine"

Why did it take me 17 years to figure that song out?

Long story short, I feel great. I have been looking at life from a positive perspective.

I went to church tonight for the first time in a dog's age and a message was delivered to the congregation in tongues. It stated basically that we need to seek God with all our hearts and that He has great plans for us in store for us when we do. The irony of it all, Stacy and I were discussing the verse last night from Jeremiah 29:11: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I knew God was using this message to speak to a lot of people, but I felt I was definitely one who needed to hear it.

I have no fear. No hurt. No pain. The Lord is on my side and the joy of the Lord is my strength.

Dating again?

I just ended a relationship and I've had a few offers for dates almost immediately after. But, I'm holding back. Why? Because I need time for me. I need to rediscover who I am again, and doing that while in a relationship can be difficult.

Also, while this may sound weird, I don't want to date around. I want to wait on God's perfect timing for someone who is absolutely perfect for me.

I made the huge mistakes of doing things on my own timing, and that ended in disaster and heartache.

I just want to be friends with people and get to know them for who they are. I'll know when God wants me to take "just friends" to the next level.

I think the biggest thing for me is just to follow God. Do what I feel He wants me to do and be who He wants me to be and all the rest will fall into place.

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things will be added on to you." - Matthew 6:33

<3

Respect yourself

I feel like after this whole break up, I have been a way stronger person. I will share alot more when I am ready, but all I can say is, girls. Speak up for yourselves. Never let a man make you feel like you have no control or that you aren't good enough. They are not worth it if they do. You are far more precious and valuable to allow some guy to do that to you.

I remembered this Christina Aguilera song from when I was in jr. high. I know right. Christina Aguilera. But the lyrics really speak truth.



So, what am I not supposed to have an opinion
Should I keep quiet just because I'm a woman
Call me a bitch 'cause I speak what's on my mind
Guess it's easier for you to swallow if I sat and smiled

When a female fires back
Suddenly big talker don't know how to act
So he does what any little boy would do
Making up a few false rumors or two

That for sure is not a man to me
Slandering names for popularity
It's sad you only get your fame through controversy, so sad
But now it's time for me to come and give you more to say

This is for my girls all around the world
Who have come across a man that don't respect your worth
Thinking all women should be seen not heard
So what do we do, girls, shout louder

Lettin' 'em know we're gonna stand our ground
Lift your hands higher and wave 'em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will, can't hold us down

Nobody can hold us down
(Hold us down)
Nobody can hold us down
(Hold us down)
Nobody can hold us down
(Hold us down)
Never can, never will

So, what am I not supposed to say, what I'm saying
Are you offended with the message I'm bringing
Call me whatever 'cause your words don't mean a thing
'Cause you ain't even a man enough to handle what I sing

If you look back in history
It's a common double standard of society
The guy gets all the glory, the more he can score
While the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore

I don't understand why it's okay
The guy can get away with it, the girl gets named
All my ladies come together and make a change
And start a new beginning for us, everybody sing

This is for my girls all around the world
(Round the world)
Who have come across a man that don't respect your worth
(Respect your worth)
Thinking all women should be seen not heard
So what do we do, girls, shout louder
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/christina-aguilera-lyrics/can_t-hold-us-down-lyrics.html]

Lettin' 'em know we're gonna stand our ground
So lift your hands higher and wave 'em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will, can't hold us down

Check it
Here's something I just can't understand
If a guy have three girls then he's the man
He can even give us some head and sex her raw
If the girl do the same, then she's a whore

But the table's about to turn
I'll bet my fame on it
Cats take my ideas and put they name on it
It's aight though, you can't hold me down
I got to keep on moving

To all my girls with a man who be trying to mack
Do it right back to him and let that be that
You need to let him know that his game is whack
And Lil' Kim and Christina Aguilera got your back

You're just a little boy
Think you're so cute so coy
You must talk so big
To make up for smaller things

Said you're just a little boy
All you do is annoy
You must talk so big
To make up for smaller things

This is for my girls
This is for my girls all around the world
Who have come across a man that don't respect your worth
(Respect your worth)
Thinking all women should be seen not heard
So what do we do, girls, shout louder
(Shout louder)

Lettin' 'em know we're gonna stand our ground
(Stand our ground)
So lift your hands higher and wave 'em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will, can't hold us down

This is for my girls all around the world
(For my girls)
Who have come across a man that don't respect your worth
(Around the world)
Thinking all women should be seen not heard
So what do we do girls, shout louder

Lettin' 'em know we're gonna stand our ground
So lift your hands higher and wave 'em proud
Take a deep breath and say it loud
Never can, never will, can't hold us down

No change of heart, a change in me

What a wicked week in every sense of the word. Wicked as in the wicked witch of the west-type of week. Not wicked awesome.

I think I will be okay.

From the time I picked up Matthew at the airport one week ago to now, things have been okay to not great, to bad, to ugly, to at rest.


Matthew and I broke up after our three year long relationship. I felt I just couldn't go on anymore. I wasn't really happy for the longest time. I was content sometimes, but content is not enough. Especially after nearly three years of dating. I know Matthew tried sometimes but it was not enough and towards the latter end of the relationship, since February mainly, when he hurt his back, he took me more and more for granted. I felt that while I loved him, I knew he was immature and had a lot of hidden issues which I never disclosed to anyone. On the outside, we looked like our university's super couple. But I was slowly drowning.

At first, we fought. Matt told me some pretty cruel things which helped me to really see the side of him that was bringing me down.

While Matt was three years older than me, I felt a lot more mature. I knew what I wanted in life, where I wanted to go and how I was going to get there. Matthew was still trying to figure all that out.

The good part is that I'm not hurt anymore, nor mad, nor bitter. It will take some adjusting. But I know this is for the best. I do want to be friends with him. At the same time, I want to distance myself a bit. The thought of him seeing other girls makes me sick.

I realized that Matthew needed to love me for exactly who I was and not try to change anything about me. I changed so much of my life to mold into his, which in the end, left me feeling completely worthless.

I really wanted things to work out and we'd be together forever. But in the back of my mind, I knew neither of us could live completely fulfilled lives by staying together.

I know I will be fine. I have God on my side, who I am letting guide my decisions. Matthew isn't a Chriatian and I more afraid of seeing him cripple himself by the decisions he makes. I guess I can only pray for him.