With whatever you choose, choose health and happiness..

Back into the blogworld again,

So, in my last entry, I opened up about my struggles with a mental illness. It's been very difficult to be real and true to people but the older I get, the more I realize to not let what I think other people could be thinking about me bother me. Dr. Seuss's timeless quote could never be more true, "Be who you are and say how you feel. For those who matter, don't mind, and for those who mind, don't matter."

For years, I refused to get treatment and support for the way I was feeling.  I was in denial about having a mental illness and was too embarrassed of the associated stigma to get help.

I've chosen to surround myself with positive things and positive people, which are all really great and helpful, but seeking appropriate medical attention from a family doctor, psychiatrist or psychologist is key.

Getting effective treatment is not something I came to the conclusion of overnight. It took months and months of support from family while dealing with my frequent mood swings, declining physical health, and extreme lack of energy.

I would hide behind my what looked to be, a healthy outer appearance. But inside, I suffered on a daily basis. In 2013, I'm pretty sure I hit a record high of sick days to the point my doctor was recommending I go on Long-Term Disability. Between the stress of working in a fast-paced labor and delivery department, working around the clock, eating unhealthy due to working around the clock, and not exercising due to constant fatigue (from working around the clock), my body had basically told me, enough was enough. Three episodes of full-blown influenza - one of which turned into pneumonia, three episodes of strep throat, two episodes of the stomach bug, three sinus infections, chronic abdominal pain, increase in allergic reactions, cystic acne, hair loss, unexplained weight loss, unexplained weight gain, chronic fatigue and social isolation.

 I knew if I didn't get myself in-check, not only could I risk permanent physical and emotional suffering, but also, my career was at stake. Nursing requires so much out of you - physically, cognitively, spiritually, and emotionally. I had to make a decision to leave my job and either decide to do a type of nursing that was less demanding on my body or leave the profession all together. Since nursing was and still is my passion and what I believe, my calling in life, it would be nothing more than heartbreaking to leave the profession all together. I prayed for a long time for God to give me the answers I needed and in due time, something did work out.

Right now, I could not be happier in the job I'm in. I am working at a clinic on a First Nations reserve and it is ever so rewarding. My co-workers at the clinic are the nicest people and we all work great as a team. I consider them more than just co-workers. They are my friends, my family. We all support one another and there is just such a happy, positive spirit in the air every time I am at the clinic, even when I feel less than optimal myself.

That being said, I have a long way to go. After years of hiding my psychological damage from the world and not ever helping myself, I've been set back in life a bit with regards to my health and overall emotional state. There are some days where I'd rather stay in bed and just take it easy. Other days, I'm more than motivated to take on the world. I still get sick a lot, although not nearly as much as a year ago, and I do what I can to be healthy and strong.

It is not an easy road and I know that I will have lots of trials ahead of me. But I know that with everything I endure in life, God is with me always. I attribute all my courage and hope to Him because he has promised to never leave or forsake me.

It's so easy to give up and throw in the towel, so to speak. But God has so many wonderful things planned for your life. Find your strength and joy in Him :)

XOXO
-E