What Next?

So, I'll be honest. I know some people treat this online blog thing like a diary, documenting every major event in their life. I do as well. But I feel like lately, more specifically, the past 7 months, I've been on an emotional roller coaster ride. I have mentioned some things, in brief detail, but I can't say I've fulled expressed every emotion which I've felt inside to sum up how I REALLY feel.

I live in fear that people are going to judge me for making the mistakes I have. Judge me for allowing myself to hit rock bottom.

I'm the type of person that while everything else is burning around me, I put on a mask and pretend that everything for the most part is okay. I think really, that's all you can do. I mean, I was in my final academic semester of my nursing degree. I simply could not afford to let life's problems get in the way of fulfilling my purpose. At the same time though, I did slip. A lot.

I managed to finish my semester with a 4.0 and ridiculously good grades, however, at the end of it, I was completely emotionally exhausted.

If you keep pounding at a brick wall, eventually it does fall down.

I feel like right now, I need to write down everything that has happened to me, every emotion I've been feeling to fully deal with the hurt and pain I've been experiencing. Bear with me. I'm not looking for pity. I'm not looking for a pat on the back. I don't even care if I gain any encouraging words. I just want to express myself in the way I feel is LEAST harmful.

Okay. Here I go, I guess.

Summer 2011 is a mere blur. So much craziness happened within a span of two short months. I was doing relatively okay up until the second week in July. Prior to that, I had been working hard at my preceptorship in general surgery. I turned 23 in May, had a fabulous birthday party and booked a trip in British Columbia for the end of the summer. Matt and I were doing okay, but we weren't the best after I spent living with him the winter while he had a broken back. We thought that going to BC would be an excellent way of strengthening our relationship, and had things not gone as sour as they did, we probably would have had a better relationship. Matt wanted to attend a French camp for 5 weeks in Quebec for half of June and half of July and I was perfectly okay with that. 5 weeks would fly, I thought. I knew I would be busy in preceptorship for the first two weeks he would be gone, and working full time for the last three weeks. Time would surely fly and I would see him soon enough.

For the five weeks he was gone, I did nothing but have lots of fun with my friends. I knew this could have been the last summer I'd spend in Newfoundland for a while, so I wanted to have as much fun as I could. Everything was fine, however, I did find it strange when it was 5 days and I had not heard from Matt. I didn't have long distance on my phone, so I would wait and wait for a phone call, but they never came. Finally, feeling very weirded out by this, I picked up the phone and called the dorm he was staying in. He answered reluctantly and even asked who was calling. I was thinking, well you have no sisters or no other close girl friends, so what other 20-something year old sounding female would be calling you? He was taken back that it was me, and apologized for not calling. "I've been really busy, babe. I'm so sorry." Last time I checked, a phone call can take as much as five minutes of your time. Even an email. Facebook message? But no, nothing. Not one word. I've never been the type of girlfriend to flip out or cause a commotion really, so I just said, "Okay, well it's a bit odd that you haven't called, but at least let me know that you're doing okay."

Part 2 to come..

2012

Hello, brand new year!

Not going to lie. 2011 was pretty shitty for a lot of people. But hopefully, this year is going to be a lot better. 2012 will be a big year of transition for me as I move from student life at home to adult life in the real world with a real job. Ah, scary!

I kind of long for the days again of Polly Pockets, Barney and Duncaroos.

God is pretty much kicking me in the butt and saying, "It's time to grow up, Evannah".

I've had my share of screw-ups in the last 5 months.

So, I want to post a realistic New Year's Resolution for 2012. But before I begin, I should look at the resolutions I made last January to see if I followed through with them all.

2011 New Year's Resolutions:
1. Learn more of the piano = success!

2. Read at least 10 books outside of school books = unsuccessful :(

3. Become involved in 3 big volunteering events (I have Relay for Life on the 29th, which is the first big event) - Success: Relay for Life, Let's Talk Science, and Nursing Orrientation 2011

4. Eat at least 5 servings of fruits / veggies each day = successful-ish

5. Go to the gym at least 3 times a week = successful-ish

6. Save money to go on a trip at the end of the summer with Matt = success!

7. Get my license by the end of 2011 = unsucessful. In my defense, I did go to driving school, but failed my parking on the first try. I'm going to try again this year!

8. Quit binge drinking (I don't drink alot as a rule, and when I do, lately, it's been heavvvvyyy. Need to stop that, pronto!) = ahh, probably about the same before, sooo unsucessful :(

9. Eat less processed foods (Cereals, pasta, juice and yogurt are the only exceptions) = successful-ish

10. Befriend someone I normally wouldn't - success. Her name is Angie. We both worked at the Med Quest Summer Program in 2011. Honestly, I thought she was going to be a mega beyotch when I met her. But she is sweet as pie and we hang out a lot! :)

Okay, so New Year's Resolutions for 2012. *Drum Roll*:
1. Gym three times a week
2. Get a job as a nurse (Hopefully in BC *fingers crossed*!)
3. Be wise about my money. I have vowed not to buy another item of clothing unless it is absolutely necessary for me to have it. I have way too many clothes already.
4. To eat out no more than twice a month
5. Successfully graduate from university
6. Pass my RN exam in June
7. Spend less time on the internet. (eek!)
8. To go out (ie. to a club) no more than once a month (unless it's karaoke, which is free!)
9. Gain a better relationship with God
10. Stay positive :)

I think these are all manageable. With a little faith, trust and pixie dust, I'll be on my way. God has big plans for me this year. I just have to trust in Him. :)

Do you remember me, I sat upon your knee?

This has been a wonderful yet different Christmas. It is quite possibly the last Christmas I spend with my family and friends here at home in Newfoundland in a long while. Depending on where I go to work, it's very hard for nurses starting off to get alot of time off work for the holidays. It's hard to imagine spending Christmas without my mom, dad or brother around. All a part of growing up, I guess. Eventually, there will come a day when I'll have a family of my own and bringing the Christmas traditions I grew up with to my new family.

Mom and I were reminiscing last night on some of the earlier Christmases we had together as a family. I'll never forget the first time I sat on Santa Clause's knee at 4 years old and specifically asked him for, "a Polly Pocket and a mermaid dolly".
These days, my Christmas wish list has changed quite a bit. After all the events of this year, I feel like I've had to grow up a lot. I'm asking for more practical things such as a lunchbox and coffee travel mug to take with me to work. After haing three friends being diagnosed with cancer this year as well as three parents of friends die from that horrible disease, I wanted a part of my gift to have donations made to the Canadian Cancer Society. In return, I receive a beautiful "Sparkles of Hope" bracelet. It's on the way in the mail now.



Tis' the season of giving.

I had a lovely last couple of days, despite the fact for leaving all my shopping for the last possible minute. Funny thing about that, I actually was interviewed by CBC News for being a "Last Minute Shopper". My 6 seconds of fame can be aired at this link here. You can see me at 17:35. I pretty much got hauled aside in the mall while shopping and got asked to tell the entire country why I was a last minute shopper and my experiences with last minute shopping. How embarrassing. I'm usually on top of it early and get most of it finished by mid-November. I think I'm going to start after Halloween next year.

I spent the last couple days rushing around, getting the perfect gift for everyone and then finally, spent last night doing the most relaxing thing in the world - baking cookies while listening to Frank Sinatra's Christmas CD. Last night, I made a delicious batch of star shortbread and chocolate chip and candy cane cookies.





My Mom also made an AMAZING tasting ham. Okay guys, I actually HATE pork, but this ham was to DIE for! She made some kind of a brown sugar and molasses sauce to go over it and we ate it with bread and sliced tomatoes as sandwiches. As an annual tradition, we all watched the cartoon "Grinch Who Stole Christmas" before heading off to bed.

We all woke up bright and early this morning as it is the one morning out of the entire year where my brother and I do not feel the compelling urge to sleep-in on a holiday. Every Christmas morning, Mom is always the first one up. She then gets George up. I usually hear the coffee perking around 630, slowly crawl out of bed and then wake my brother up. We go downstairs and open our stockings together in the living room as a family. We do not open a single gift under the tree until everyone has completely unloaded their stockings. Then we proceed to the gift opening. Usually, myself and Jonny go first. We open the gifts from our grandparents first, the gifts to each other, then gifts from Mom and George. While this is going on, a million pictures are being taken by my mother. Then, once my brother and my gifts are opened, Mom and George open their gifts.

Some highlights of the morning:




My Michael Buble Autobiography :)



Jon gave George a can of "instant snow" for when he goes back to Florida


Me & Mom


Jon & Mom


Stocking time!


The lunchbox I asked for. Yes, I did ask for a lunchbox Christmas! LOL


New nursing shoes!


Then, my brother and I went to my Dad's house to deliver Christmas gifts there. My dad lives very close to a farm. The countryside looks so beautiful this time of year.






Mom made a lovely traditional Christmas dinner with all the fixings



Merry Christmas, everyone! I wish you all a safe and happy holiday season! Remember, Jesus is the reason for the season! <3

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat!

Hey all!
I am so intermittent with my posts lately. Pretty much because this semester has been super duper busy. I've had alot going on personally too, which it starting to come to a halt, thank you Lord. I've done well despite everything. Finishing my last year of nursing with all super high marks. I'm owing it all to my great and mighty God who's given me all the strength in the world to persevere and pull through. I have one exam this semester and I plan on giving it my all. So, you probably won't hear from me until after the 8th of December.

I am excited of what is to come and of course I have Christmas to look forward to! Only 24 days left, according to the "Christmas Countdown" app on my iphone.

I managed to make it out to the Santa Clause parade our city puts off every year. In the past few years, I haven't been able to make it due to exams and whatnot. But since I only have one final this year and also as this may be the last year I'll be spending in my hometown in a while, I figured I'd get out and see it for that early nostalgic-feeling of Christmas. From the time I was 11 to 18, I've either been a dancer or a cheerleader in the parade. This was the first time since I was a child that I was a spectator in the parade. While it was freeeezzzinggg cold outside, it was a clear, bright and sunny day. Perfect for a Christmas parade.

Right before the start of the parade. I am silly (and frozen to death!)


Sensible one. Trying hard to keep my teeth from chattering. Brrr, brrr!


Me & Stink


Start of the Downtown Christmas Parade!


My old cheerleading squat from High School! (One of my best friends, Julia, is the coach)




My old dance group! What a creative idea :)




Parade is done, so now it's time to thaw off with a nice Candy Cane Hot Chocolate (Compliments of Second Cup! It's so pretty, I hardly wanted to drink it!)


Hope you all have a great start to the Christmas season! You will all hear from me in a week =)

Waiting for my real life to begin.

I cannot comment enough how strange this year has been. While alot of trials have come my way, I've learned alot of valuable life lessons. I'm an imperfect person living in an imperfect world filled with imperfect people. I know that God only expects me to try my best. He knows that I will fall, but it's no problem at all to pick myself up from where I left off and start over again until I get to where I need to be. It's a continuous and ever-winding road called life with ample of opportunities for detours, scenic routes and bumpy terrains. It all depends on the path in which I take. That choice is up to me.

As we approach this upcoming Christmas season, for me, it becomes more and more apparent as to why Christmas is so important. I need the greatest gift in the world, Jesus, so that I have the option to "pick myself up" when I fall and continue on my road of life. A beautiful journey which God has fashioned for me.

To be honest, I wasn't overly excited for Christmas at first. It seemed like after Halloween, the Christmas season just popped up before my eyes. After everything that's gone on this past year, it did take a while for me to process. But, I'm going to keep my spirits high. This could be my last Christmas with my family for a while since the Lord only knows where I'll be next year.

So, let's take that road before us and sing a chorus or two because baby, Christmas is just around the corner :) This is a time to celebrate and be glad!

So, I only really got excited when I visited Bath & Body Works today. We've never had that store here where I'm from, so I was pumped to go in there for the first time in my hometown's mall.

Okay, can I just say, I'm not overly crazy about fancy bath products. I tend to stick to the basic, cheap stuff. But can I just say, I am OBSESSED about the candles. OHHH, the candles!

Someone better get these for me if they know what's good for them!! (I kid......maybe):

1. Winter Candy Apple



2. Vanilla Bean Noel (It smells like French vanilla yogurt!!)


Yum, yum!!

So, because of my excitement with primarily these two candles, I went home and made a batch of white chocolate, cranberry, and oatmeal cookies. De-lish!



Right now, my mom is gone for a couple weeks to the states, but I'm excited for her to come back to we can get ready for Christmas together. I'm also super pumped that my exams are done December 8th this year, which means, I have a whole MONTH off for Christmas vacation. :)

Each year I do a Christmas checklist. Here goes mine for this year:

1. Santa Clause Parade
2. Study for / get exams out of the way
3. Singing Christmas Tree at Church
4. Caroling around the hospital with the med school choir "Ultra Sound" (sooo serious!)
5. Christmas shopping
6. Watching Christmas movies / TV specials
7. Baking cookies
8. Warm, fuzzy and sparkly clothes
9. Decorating the tree/house
10. Christmas photoshoot?
11. Ice skating
12. Holiday specialty drinks at Starbucks
13. Buying gifts for the unfortunate
14. Remembering the real meaning of Christmas

...and there's more to come! I also have to start applying for jobs over the holidays. Eeek! Scary thought!!

Well, I'm off to work for the night. Have a safe and happy start to your holiday season! And for all my American friends reading this, Happy Thanksgiving :)

If God can bring you to it, He can bring you through it...

This is turning out to be the hardest year ever emotionally in my entire life. I have been let down so many times and have seen and suffered huge losses. Monday, I found out that my grandfather of 89 years had passed away. I know that he is in a better place and that it was simply "his time". My biggest regret is not getting the chance to see him right before he died. The last time I had visited him in England was the year 2007. Since then, he had developed dementia, so I'm unsure if he would have remembered me even if I had saw him more recently. I'll always remember my grandfather to be a happy and positive person with an unforgettable cheerful smile. His smile will forever stay in my heart. Grandpa always encouraged me to follow my dreams and would be the one to cheer me up the fastest when I was sad. "Have no fear, Granddad is always here". I have no fears, Grandpa's spirit is with me always and will give me the confidence to persevere and do the things he knows I'm capable of. I love you and miss you, Grandpa, always and forever.

Every time I see a bumble bee from now on, I will think of Grandpa as we used to call him "Grandpa Bee". A bright and buzzing bumble bee that works hard in life. That is exactly who my Grandpa was.



My best friend sent me this song after I told her about my grandfather's passing. Natasha always knows what will cheer me up and knew exactly how this song would bring me hope and encouragement for the future. Though these days may seem grey and gloomy, the light is at the end of the tunnel and I know that God will use these experiences to make me stronger.

Finally, I've posted!!

So, I haven't been blogging in a long, long time. I really apologize. There's been a lot going on. I've been busy / doing a lot of reflecting. I will write on that later, but tonight I want to just have a light, happy journal about fashion. I love, love fall fashion. I'll give you a small showing of everything that I've been wearing the past week :)

All thanks to polyvore.com for helping me replicate my outfits!

First of all, Halloween Weekend.I had a BLAST Halloween weekend! My costume came out beautifully. I really felt like the "belle of the ball" :)





This is what I used:

my halloween costume by evannahjoy featuring tasha hair accessories

Monday's outfit (Actual Halloween):

Halloween outfit by evannahjoy featuring a leather shoulder bag

Tuesday's Outfit (I had a presentation):

On-the-go Tuesdays by evannahjoy featuring high waisted skirts

Wednesday's Outfit - I went to see "Footloose" the night before, so cowboy boots were a must the day after!:

footloose inspired by evannahjoy featuring a crochet cardigan

Thursday's outfit - This would work as a great date outfit ;):

fall date by evannahjoy featuring a circle skirt

Friday's outfit:

outfit for fridayyy by evannahjoy featuring antique handbags

Saturday's outfit:

casual saturday night out by evannahjoy featuring western leather boots

Sunday's outfit:

slack sundays by evannahjoy featuring an oversized blazer

:)