A Hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog.

The next month is going to be utter stress and chaos.

So much studying, so much prep, so many lab skills to practice, so many social events to juggle to prevent me from going insane.

Friday, March 18th:
-Pediatrics lab exam
-Oncology care plan due
-Oncology patient prep forms due

Friday, March 25th:
-Med-Surg lab exam
-Oncology Prep forms due
-Oncology self-appraisal due

Saturday, March 26th:
-Nursing Charity Ball!

Monday, April 11th:
-Leadership final exam

Wednesday, April 13th:
-Med-Surge final exam


I was planning on taking a good bit of this weekend off to do diddly squat. After I finish those stupid prep forms (which will be around 8pm Friday night, from the looks of it!), I was thinking of going to see a movie. "Beastly" was what I originally wanted to see. But according to film reviews from my friends who have seen it, I've heard it was lame and cheesy and not to waste my money on it. Too bad, because I was really looking forward to it.

I had a job interview last week. I really hope I get it. I've worked there before, and got hired for a second summer even, but had to turn the job down because I had gotten a job with a bigger salary.

I have lots of goals for this summer, as this is my actual last "fun" summer being a student.

1. Get my license. I am planning to start driving school after preceptorship (which ends at the start of July). I know the classes are every Saturday for a couple of months, so I'm planning to have my license defintely by December or earlier, if possible.

2. Make my own clothes. I hate that the place where I live has nothing original in the realm of fashion. Everyone shops at the same stores and everyone has the same thing, which is so so boring. If you want something the slightest bit unique and high-fashion, you end up paying a fortune for it. I have resorted to buying the majority of my clothes either online (which can add up even if the clothes are cheap due to the costs of shipping), ask my mom to shop for me when she goes away, or buy things myself when I go on vacation.

I have a couple of things I have in mind I am dying to make:

-flutter sleeved shirt dress
-pink tutu-style skirt





3. Finish my nursing school scrapbook I started last summer, but never finished

4. Save up money to go to Vancouver at the end of the summer

5. Go see a concert. I was lucky enough to see Buble last summer. I'm thinking Katy Perry this summer, if she happens to be touring in BC or Seattle the same time I'll be there.

6. Read 6 books. I haven't decided which ones yet, though.


Anyway, back to working on my nursing care plan.

Horray.

Mind like a Sith..

So, a couple of memorable things happened this week which are near and dear to my heart:

1. March 8th, is National Endometriosis Awareness Day.



It's shocking and unbelievable how many women suffer in this disease in secret because they are too embarrassed by the type of pain and symptoms which prohibit them from living a normal life.

As a health care professional AND as one who personally suffers from endometriosis, I completely advocate to support and try to eradicate this terrible disease.

2. Happy birthday Barbie! My best childhood friend. She turned 52 yesterday, March 9th. Who was your favorite Barbie?



Mine was 'Baywatch Barbie' :)


So I've had an overall lame day today, but without going into details, it wasn't the worst of the worse and I anticipate good things to come.

Nursing school

Nursing school is actually driving me crazy.
I think I have aspects of every one of these psychological conditions:

Hypochondriasis
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Bipolar Disorder
Depression
Anxiety
Cyclothymia

I'm on oncology now, which is making me THE WORST. I'm frightened to death of killing a patient. Frightened to death. I'm so scared that if I cough or sneeze just once I need to completely bathe my body in a alcohol-rub dispenser bath. I'm frightened to death they are going to catch some random virus off of me that even I am unaware of just because my immune system is in good shape, and completely kill them all because of their febrile neutropenia.

I have dreams that my hair is falling out because I'm afraid of chemo drugs. I am actually afraid of them. Not that us as student nurses can give them, but if I have to hang a saline IV (let's just say) and the chemo medication is next to it, I freak out inside, man. Freak out.

I become attached to my patients and feel horrible for them and their families because they have to go through such a shitty disease. It makes me mad to watch these people suffer.

And then, I read the pamplets about different types of cancer on my floor and start self diagnosing if I happen to have a couple of the symptoms. Like today, I swore up and down that I had esophageal cancer. I truly did. I have GERD already, which is a cause. I have binged drank in the past, another cause. Plus, I have difficulty swallowing, pain in my chest, and I lost like 10 lbs in the last couple months for no apparent reason - all symptoms. Seriously. I almost cried and everything.

I come home and cry for hours. And then I laugh to kill myself for no reason.

So weird.

I am telling you.


Nursing school makes you freaking crazy.

Fashionnnn

So, as I'm hoping this blog will bring sunshine, blue skies and flowers, I will do a list of this spring / summer season's hottest trends.

1. FLoral Trend:



This is why I "enjoy being a girl". You get to wear fun, pretty prints like this :)


2. Nautical trend:




This can be done tastefully, without looking like a sailor costume


3. Socks with shoes





This includes sandals. There, I said it, socks with sandals. Cool sandals, that is. You wouldn't dare go out in socks and flip flops!)

4. Broques



Last summer, jazz flats were the "safe" introduction to these swanky vintage vibe shoes, and now they are in full force everywhere!

5. Lady-like structured bags:


Say goodbye to the hobo bag!

6. Wooden and clog sandals






7. Tropical Makeup Shades:


These became very popular in the fall and are a hit again for the summer. Tortoise-shell frame prints are very in for summer.
Bright shadow, thin black liner on top lips, matte face, bold lips to compliment eyes

8. Nerdy glasses:



9. Funky colored / printed platforms


Think Rihanna in her new "S&M" video

*Last but not least, my two favorite fashion inspirations especially for this upcomming spring season:

Katy Perry and Rachel from "Glee"! :)

Katy:






Rachel:





Enough for me. Back to the books I go :)

I know you love me, I know you care, just shout whenever and I'll be there...

I have been very intermittent with my blogging lately.
It's been a weird two weeks.

I volunteered with "Relay for Life" and at the end of the event, my boyfriend broke his back while trying to hurdle himself over our other friend's back. Not good. So we spend all of Sunday, January 30th in the ER mostly. From 5AM until 1PM. No sleep, no studying done. Hardly any food. I volunteered to stay with Matt for the first little bit just to help him out. It was a a really shitty time for me, since I had two exams and clinical work to do as well as help Matthew out.

He was grouchy and I was grouchy and it turned out to be a mess. We almost broke up a few times because of it. He gets mad and takes it out on me and I get mad but bottle it up inside and become a total space case to everyone and everything around me.

I still don't feel 100% about it all.

We didn't really do a whole lot for Valentine's day either. Matt couldn't get out anywhere, so I didn't get anything really from him. It's okay, because I understand the predicament he's in. We stayed in and made pizza.

I have just been feeling very unwanted lately as a girlfriend, even though I know he loves me. I just don't know if he knows how to show it sometimes, and I'm not one of those girls who feels like telling him what to do.

I'm nearly 23 years old and I've never had a guy in my life take me out on a real date and plan this huge surprise for me where I could swoon and feel on air. I see lots of girls around who seem to have no problem getting that, but it seems like it's not in the cards for me to have.

It's one thing for me to have naturally low self-esteem as is, but it doesn't help when my boyfriend's decided to put me down for alot of things in the past little while he's been injured.

I just don't feel good enough. Not smart or pretty enough for anyone.

On a lighter note.

Glee last night (aside from the Justin Bieber-ness), was fabulous. They need need need to do more songs from RENT.

I need some time to myself for a while to think about things. If this is really what I want. Because if I keep putting up with this, it's going to be a viscious cycle. He gets mad a little things, I internalize it all and completely miss out on reality causing myself to become less focused on what I need to be doing, making careless mistakes and resulting in his frustration.

I need to surround myself with things and people I love or else I'm missing out on the good of life. My friends are one million percent fabulous and no matter what a man or anyone does to me in my life, they are always dependable. I love music more than life itself. I just need a microphone and a stage and I'm good for a few hours just to belt her'.

I am having a few of my good friends up this weekend to dress up and go out dancing after. I need it so bad. That would be a huge confidence builder right now.

I can't surround myself with people who make me feel stupid and worthless. I can only be empowered and make the right decisions when I am confident with myself.

I wish sometimes I was a mean girl so that know one would ever try to take the opportunity to walk over me. Unfortunately, I was not born with the desire to diva it up to get my way, contrary to what some may think.

I'm done with the bitching, but what I do have to say is I'm getting my inner diva on this weekend and looking fabulous. I have an order waiting to be picked up from Forever 21 which is fabulous:




I'm thinking a royal blue tank with those shorts, white tights and red heels.

Very retro pop, which I love.

And soft retro waves??:



For sure!


Okay, gone to go have lunch with the bestie and work on my fitness :)

Ciao.

Clothes clothes clothes

I am home sick today, so what do I do instead? Online window-shop? Why, of course!

So, I'm loving this whole polka-dotted, 50's school girl feel.

I ordered two dresses the other day from Mod Cloth, one for nursing charity ball, the other, possibly for my birthday in May.






I have never owned a yellow dress in all my life. But I love it oh so much. As for the polka-dotted asymmetrical one, I'm thinking of throwing a Polka-dot themed birthday party. I also was considering an 80's Prom Party too, which would be equally fun. I loveeeeed my vintage glam themed birthday party last year, but I can't repeat that again. I need to be original and come up with a new theme.



What fun we had, though!

I'm doing another vintage theme this weekend at "Relay for Life". We are "Blast Cancer to the Past" and everyone is dressing from a different decade.
I'm 50's. I'm looking for ideas so I can be cute and comfy at the same time, since I'll be marching around a track most of the night.

This inspired me:




Anyway, I'm going to get a shower and try and study.

Holla.

2011

So, I haven't updated in a longgg time, but I've been super busy with family and friends and whatnot.

2010 gracefully ended and 2011 has commenced. I have a short list of goals of things which I want to accomplish for this year:

1. Learn more of the piano
2. Read at least 10 books outside of school books
3. Become involved in 3 big volunteering events (I have Relay for Life on the 29th, which is the first big event)
4. Eat at least 5 servings of fruits / veggies each day
5. Go to the gym at least 3 times a week
6. Save money to go on a trip at the end of the summer with Matt
7. Get my license by the end of 2011
8. Quit binge drinking (I don't drink alot as a rule, and when I do, lately, it's been heavvvvyyy. Need to stop that, pronto!)
9. Eat less processed foods (Cereals, pasta, juice and yogurt are the only exceptions)
10. Befriend someone I normally wouldn't

Okay. So, that number 10, hey? I remember watching "A Walk to Remember" years ago and remembering this was one of the things on the character Jamie's list of life goals. Not that I'm not a friendly person, but I tend to stick with people who have similiar traits with me. I don't try this, but it naturally happens. I'm not really sure who this person may be or what personality traits they may have that makes them one who I wouldn't normally befriend, but I'm leaving all that up to God.

Another big goal of mine, though I don't know how much control I have in the matter is getting better. As I've mentioned in previous blogs, I've been diagnosed with a potentially serious condition called endometriosis, in particular, endometriosis of the urinary tract. This means I have an extension of my uterine lining growing all over my bladder, ureters and kidneys. It's one of the more serious forms and I'm trying my best to stay positive about it. It's very possible I may need surgury sometime this year if the medication can't stop the growth of endo. I'm pretty scared of that. After watching a few surguries of other people, I'm not too sure it's the type of thing I want done on myself.

My biggest fear is that I'll become so debilitated, I won't be able to complete my year and end up graduating a year late. I'm also concerned on how this will impact my relationship with Matt. Not that I have to worry about this yet, but there is a chance I may be unable to carry a child to full term with this disease. It also apparently makes seuxal acitivity near to impossible in more severe stages of endometriosis, because it becomes immensely painful.

I'm very fortunate that Matt is so understanding. I honestly couldn't ask for any better. He understands it isn't my fault and that while I have this disease inside my body, it does not define who I am. If anything, it's helped to built a stronger character within me.

People will just have to understand that sometimes I'm too sick to go out, too sick to study, too sick to go to school, etc. I realise though that friends come and go, your real friends will stand by you, no matter what. They won't be offended if you haven't been able to see them in a month, because you've been in too much pain to leave your bed.


On a different topic, I attended a "Katy Perry" themed birthday party for my friend Erin this past Saturday. It was a ton of fun filled with cute bows and ribbons, candy, cupcakes, cakes, pink and sparkles. I was tottally digging the girly retro-pop feel, and realised that THAT is my style to a tee!







100% adorable!
And for those of you who are wondering about my outfit:

Corset: Sirens, yearssss ago
High Waisted yellow pants: American Apparel
Red Hair bow (unseen): American Apparel
Pearl earrings: Icing by Claire's

I'm beyond obsessed with the cutesy retro-pop look.







Anywhoo. To the shower and bed I go :)

Nighty!